WHY DEAR GOD, WHY?!?!

today's question, which i pose to you, dear readers, is, "how much weed whacking can one apartment complex do?"

lately i have been attempting to study at home. because of my general laziness and the fact that after 2 years of living there, i just can't seem to take much of the law school anymore, and studying in my apartment can be done w/o shame while wearing the same pair of 10 year old sweats that no longer fit for weeks on end, etc etc. (today i am studying at home b/c i woke up this morning at 9:05 and got in the shower, and then got out of the shower and started doing the math on when i would need to leave to get to my class, and it took me about 3 minutes of doing that math before i realized that the fact that it was 9:15 meant that i was missing my 9am class. how does that even happen? but this way i don't have to figure out which of my books are important enough to go to school.)

anyways, the problem with studying at home is that NO MATTER WHEN YOU ARE DOING THIS, IVY GARDENS IS SOMEHOW WEED WHACKING OR MOWING THE LAWNS OR BLOWING LEAVES! seriously. i nearly shot myself just monday afternoon while dealing with this, and now, here it is, not even 48 hours later AND IT IS GOING ON AGAIN! WE DON'T EVEN HAVE THAT MUCH GREEN SPACE!

the secondary question is if it acceptable to tell your apartment complex that you are going to refuse to pay your rent during finals if they continue to take such meticulous care of their facilities.

so much for that

well it turns out that having my very own wirless network with an excellent signal strength was very short-lived. b/c when i woke up this morning, it turns out that my wireless network has disappeared! yup, it's totally gone. where does a wireless network go when the router is still sitting on your desk? well, i suppose it went the same place it went for the past two months while the router was still sitting on my desk. anyways, just goes to prove that even if you know lots about computers, you may not be able to fix the fact that the internet hates me.

my hero

tonight's posting is brought to you from the comfort of my couch, where i now, once again, have wireless internet! real wireless internet! my own wireless internet! i used to have this, but then about two months ago it randomly disappeared in the midst of a whole slew of wireless internet problems, and i tried to bother friends to come and fix it and they said they would, but i did not bother persistently enough b/c i am a pansy who feels bad about asking for things (tho not bad about whining about them) and so no one came to fix it, but tonight, finally, swartz came and fixed it! yay! less you think he put me off for months, he had only said he would do it about last week, and then with the break and all, this was no delay at all and i am a very happy girl. i now have wireless internet just in time for finals, so that i can simultaneously surf the internet and watch tv to avoid studying! the real tragedy of this is that while i was tethered to the internet cable, the tv held no sway over me and i had even molded the chair in my den to perfectly fit my own ass and it was really going to be lovely.

but you can't really frown on having your own "very good" wireless internet signal and i am a very happy girl! so yay for swartz and his infinite computer savvy!!

but other good things have happened today.

the first is that derek leach has just recently gotten engaged to his long-time girlfriend allison and i just think that is worth sharing. because who does not love derek leach and wish him a lifetime of happiness? well, no one. and if you do not love derek leach and wish him a lifetime of happiness, well you suck and i would appreciate it if you would quit reading my blog.

and when i went by his office to tell him congrats, there was some boy in there with the world's largest laptop ever and i started rooting thru my bag for a tissue, but i did not have one, and he said that he had one, and then gave me his whole travel packet of tissues! if that isn't the sweetest thing ever! it is that kind of kindness that comes back to you in the future, so if you see someone with the world's largest laptop and like 4 fans on its underside, well do something nice for him, b/c he is good people and he deserves it.

and since that does not seem like enough good things in a day, i had a lovely meal at the flaming wok with molly and rob and jen and spott and i tell you, that fried rice is some kind of tasty delicious! i recommend it highly. also, the shrimp.

oh, and then there was how peppy my "two step touch" combo has gotten in cardio sculpt. that brings joy to everyone. seriously. you should ask to see it. if lexi is around, you should ask to see us do it together. if you and your friends are all around, you should ask lexi and i to lead the entire half hour sequence. i'm sure we'll have plenty of time, what with avoiding our outlines and all.

i've begun!

don't they always say that creating a word document titled "trademark outline" and putting the main points of your syllabus in that word document is half the battle?

crap, i could have sworn that was what they always said.

i hope this brings you some fraction of the joy it has brought me

well i am afraid that my camera was unable to capture all the glory that is this ornament, but it is a fish, with a bouffant, with a pineapple sticking out of the bouffant, and huge ass lips, totally done up with glitter. oh, with legs. in short, it is the most amazing thing ever put on a christmas tree. or on sale, for that matter.

and now i shall tell you the story of how it came to be. well, actually i don't know how it came to be. when first i saw it, i thought, "dear god, who would make such a thing?!?!! why god, why?!?!" actually, that was my second thought. my first thought was, "I MUST HAVE IT!" but let's back up.

so lexi's family has one of those christmas giving traditions where everyone buys a gift for under $5 and then you draw numbers and trade the presents around etc etc etc and wind up with some stupid cheap piece of shit you don't need, but in the meanwhile you had a lot of fun while everyone squeals and tries to get their grubby paws on some singing bird that rob bought or some box of chocolate which could at least be consumed. well last year lexi had a party where we played that game and i was looking for a gift in hawaii. we thought we had picked out my gift, when we saw THIS in a shop. DEAR GOD. IT IS THE MOST PERFECT THING EVER CREATED FOR A $5 GIFT SWAP! IT IS HIDEOUS AND HYSTERICAL AND $3.99 and well actually, lexi would quite love to own it. i mean, who the hell puts a pineapple bouffant and glitter lips on a fish? but that is all ok. SO LONG AS YOU DO NOT PUT LEGS ON THE FISH!! but that is exactly what this artist did. which is why i'm pretty sure my $3.99 was the only cash she made off of that brilliantly artistic idea. or maybe not. i tell you this tho--i wish i had bought 8.

at the end of the night, somehow someone other than lexi had ended up with it, but being a good man amongst good friends, jacob saw there was really only one home for this fish with legs, where it would be loved for forever, and so he left it with lexi. so now lexi and aaron have their tree up and i have to tell you, that this ornament is perhaps the most compelling thing ever put on a tree. i just go over to their apartment, and i sit there STARING at this ornament. you can't take your eyes off of it. it is fascinating. i cannot explain it, but i recommend you go over and see it in person. i'm willing to give you their apartment number if you need. i promise you, the picture does not do it justice.

the great canned goods expunging of 2006

did you know that canned goods expire?

well here is today's PSA: canned goods expire!

and more rapidly than one would think! since i would doubt that i dragged canned goods to cville with me when i moved (tho i wouldn't totally put it past me) and i just threw out nearly everything in my cupboards. meaning their shelf life is about 2 years at most! that is appalling for something that is never supposed to expire! i am outraged! tho my cupboards are way emptier. i would also like to say that of the 20 cans of soups and vegetables i just threw away, not a one of them looked like they would have killed me and only a few looked like they would have made me ill. what a waste.

so if you're looking for a way to put off that outline a little bit longer--go check your own canned goods! you can never be too safe!

it is not going to be pretty...

so i have had other ideas for posts, but they did not happen. so instead, you get me whining about the fact that finals are upon us.

now i wouldn't even realize this if it weren't for other people. these people include: all those people in the library, my friends who are asking me for old outlines, and my friends who are talking about working on their outlines. you see, while some people like to count the days til finals start, i prefer to count the days til they end. which means we've got nearly a whole month! ok, maybe more like 3 weeks, but the rounding up helps with the freaking out. (oh, and i am totally going to be the only 3L here for about a week. everyone else is taking off early. i am sticking around to put off finals. plus, i figure that as a fringe benefit, the 1Ls get very drunk that last night and maybe i can get one of the weak away from the herd.)

anyways, instead of working, i have spent the last 4 days making 200 peanut butter balls, rolling them by hand, and dipping them in various chocolate concoctions. and then wrapping these up with various other tasty treats and colorful notes and candy canes and ribbons! doesn't that sound better than finals!?!?! i thought so too. (to be fair, i tried to listen to the trusts & estates tapes while doing some of this, but it turns out that even with the earbuds directly in your ears, you don't have to listen when someone is talking to you. particularly when that person is talking about trusts and estates. in the end, i think that ignoring the trusts & estates man for 3 hours only made me more panicked.)

in conclusion, what i have decided is that i am not actually to the thinking about finals yet, tho the other bastards are making me vaguely aware that they're out there. i'm still trying to just plod thru the usual stuff. but i'm at the point where i'm becoming aware enough that i start to feel panicked, but it's a bit buried and i'm just slightly hyperventilatey and tense, but not panicked enough to do anything about it. and i know what this means. the next phases are not pretty. they are very not pretty at all. (especially since i'm already eating chinese leftovers in the middle of the afternoon when i'm not even hungry. this could get uglier than ever before.)

in further conclusion, any notes or outlines you would like to send me from trusts & estates or telecom would be very welcome. very welcome indeed.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

i am very upset that people do not dress turkeys up in costumes. b/c i wanted to leave you pictures of that for t-giv (like the dogs and cats in halloween costumes), but google didn't really turn up anything. well, this was the closest i got, and while it's mildly entertaining, it's not what i had in mind. and i really should have left 15 minutes ago, but i'm still sitting around unshowered and unmotivated, so i'm afraid i can't spend hours scouring the internet for pictures of turkeys dressed up in costume. oh, and i also found this, which i was going to post a picture of, but blogger hates me, so you'll have to go look at it for yourself. also, why would you do this? people are weird!

anyways, i hope you all have a very happy thanksgiving and are not driven crazy by your family or the family you have been dragged to see.

endorsement: ZydeCo.

so a couple of months ago i implored you to support a little bit of my home town flavor and keep alive a new business in a historically doomed locale. well, i am asking you to do so again.

lexi, aaron and i just ate at ZydeCo., the new cajun-y restaurant on the corner, and i think that in an hour and a half i undid the months of gym-going. but it was an hour and a half of amazing food! three courses, each of which i raved about thru the duration of its consumption. (this is how i am when i like things. i’m sure you never would have guessed.) and i am not much for detailing meals, but it is my blog, so i am just going to tell you what i ate and that it was AMAZING!

i started with an abita purple haze, which i am not sure i had ever had, and don’t tell anyone else from baton rouge b/c i think that makes it ok for them to turn me away at the borders next time i try to go visit my family, but golly, i sure like me some abita purple haze and i will have to return to zydeco to have one every now and again.

then on to my appetizer—the calamari. now i love me some squid, i do. i order it lots. but this was FABULOUS calamari. spicy and crispy but not too crispy and there was a yummy remoulade sauce, which was very good, but then i had to grapple with masking the taste of the PHENOMENALLY SEASONED calamari under the sauce. somehow i survived.

then on the my entrée, the crawfish etoufee. WHICH WAS SO AMAZINGLY TASTILY GOOD. really, so good. i can’t explain it, but i ate every single last bite.

and then i had to eat a chocolate lava cake alone b/c i was trying to peer pressure lexi and aaron into splitting it three ways and they had their foolish little hearts set on beignets (which they enjoyed), but my palate was not going to be denied chocolate, and so i succumbed. and it was also very delightful to eat. or VERY DELIGHTFUL TO EAT.

anyways, that was my meal and i would encourage all of you to go to ZydeCo. and have yourselves a fabulous meal.

more gems from my notes

well, every semester i like to give you samples of what you can find in laura's notes. i'm sure that you'll get some good ones when i start to "outline" and go look at my notes again.

but today's examples are akin to this one (some absolute gems. proof why you should be my friends. with notes like that, you'll never need to take your own.), where i know that a number of my friends are not present and i will be sending them my notes. so i'm aware of them as they happen.

well half of my friends were not in telecom today. so i took notes. or i tried to. telecom is always awful. i've got no clue what happens in there. ever. the thing is that about half the class is all over it and half the class sits around IMing each other commentary about how it's like listening to charlie brown's teacher. i'm mostly friends with the latter half. anyways, here are two nuggets from today's notes:

• while they have always said that they do not want regulate them they still have some ancillary power to regulate them. (“don’t make me regulate you!”—TN says and i giggle hysterically. guys, you should see me today. i’m bouncing off the fucking walls. like i’m swinging my legs so that people at the other end of the row are looking at me and saunders offered me $40 if i literally ran around the room and i’m tempted.) (at this point, megan tries to copy my notes. she says: MeganKC7: your notes do not help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MeganKC7: i KNOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW you're swinging your legs MeganKC7: i need to know what grob is mumbling!!)
• GRob doesn’t think these are subject to tariffs, tho he thinks that to the extent they are telecom services (?) they should be subject to those requirements. So that ATT type services would be subject to things like non-discriminatory rates. That’s not particularly onerous. (seriously guys, megan and i are like the blind leading the blind here. b/t the two of us, i’m not sure if we’re taking your notes or we’re just making them up while stringing t/g arbitrary words that they are saying, but putting them in a new order and maybe adding “not” sometimes accidentally.)

however, these same lucky friends were fortunate enough to also get my notes about two weeks ago, when i had these bits of non-lecture material (sometimes tangentially related) to share:

• TN asks (ooooh, I hate it when the one prof interjects with a question. this is a surefire sign i’ll be lost soon) what is the problem with having the ILECs driven down to this competitive rate?
  
• the constitution does not permit you to have confiscatory rates. (I have no idea what confiscatory rates, but he just said it 3 times and it doesn’t show up in spell check. So you can look it up.) So the only question becomes what kind of rates, and how do you determine what kinds of rates are confiscatory?
  
• ok, well he tries to make this point by using some analogy about an airline. I don’t know what is going on with this. Most people aren’t taking notes. It can’t possibly be important.
  
• at this point in class, i notice a beautiful boy i have never noticed before. Eli says he is always in this class. And i curse rob darby’s big head for blocking my view in the past. B/c this boy is very lovely to look at.
• also, Saunders raises his hand and GRob ignores him. I laugh audibly.
  
• then we have like 10 or 15 minutes of TN and GRob doing the whole back and forth, punch and judy thing. No one takes any notes. At some point i think i should, but i missed the first half of the point, so i didn’t.

and i think you should all sign up to take classes with me next semester, for one of two very disparate reasons. (1) these notes can be yours too! (2) it may be clear that i don't pose much of a threat on the curve.

well, i tried

so i have a very firmly established policy re: talking in class. i will NOT talk about class things. you know, like the law, or the case, or hypotheticals. but i will make inane remarks and random chit chat with professors, before, during and after class. and i am very proud of today's efforts. better even than the time i when GRob said TN wouldn't be in Comm Law that day and i said, "oh, well then" and got up and started walking out of class. that was funny. today, i asked a professor to cancel class. the class we were sitting in at the time.

here is all the evidence:

• we had a draft of our paper due today.
• we were supposed to have guest speakers. fun guest speakers we have been waiting all semester to hear from. they were not going to talk about today's assigned reading topic, but about all sorts of different things.
• most people do not ever read, but with these two factors combined, a pre-class survey established that at least 10 of the 12 people there had not read.
• it is the day before t-giv break starts.
• TH was about 2 minutes late and there had been pre-class discussion about the 5 minute rule and the possibility that he would walk in and cancel class.

well when he came in w/o guests, and explained that they would not be able to make it (and about how we would reschedule a non-mandatory make-up class b/c these guys have awesome stories, and which most of us will opt to go to), i knew that no one else was going to step up to the plate. this is the sort of thing only i do. people were egging me on with their eyes. so i asked him if we could cancel class. totally seriously.

and i really think he was tempted. alas. he made some sort of joke about knowing we were all prepared to discuss sentencing guidelines, to which i replied something about how i had come to class "prepared to hear fun stories."

well, i tried.

ummmmm

so i've only worked on this for about 45 minutes today and i don't think i'm going to do anymore. i mean, it's 10 pages single spaced. and if he's going to hate it, well then i'll just deal with that then. i'm not ready to put things into whole sentences and so i think that's it for now.

but i've never not worked on anything til the last possible second! have i? i don't think so.

i'm very disoriented.

also, i'm excited! i saw a guy i used to work with at the DOJ in the halls on a tour. and you know how i get when i see people i haven't seen in a long time. !!!!!!! i get like that. also, since he was a "never going to law school" type, i'm interested to hear why he's touring the law school. ahhhh, history majors from liberal arts schools--they all cave in the end, don't they?

they're installing a large, flat-screen TV in the library

one of these days, we'll be able to use it to have teleconferences.

but for now, you'll just be able to use it to avoid studying for finals. even if you're in the library and your computer is at home.

god hates me, part XVIII

it is 5am and i am not yet asleep. my alarm will be going off in less than 3 hours and i cannot get to sleep. of course i don’t have any of tuesday’s reading in my apartment and i refuse to work on my paper. normally it’s that after a certain point i don’t think my mind is awake enough to do real work (now that i'm old. this is the antithesis of who i once was. it kinda kills me.), but right now i think my mind is awake enough to do multivariable calculus, if only i had any idea how to do multivariable calculus. it’s not that papers aren’t meant to be written at 5am b/c they are (or they were in the days b/f my mind no longer functioned in the middle of the night), but i had decided that i was done with it for the night and it’s the principle of the thing. i am very principled, you see. i should totally work on the paper, only my computer battery is going to die w/in the hour and i’m too lazy to unfold the power cord. how sad is that? and i couldn’t bring myself to clean. well, i did manage to weed out 2 shirts and 4 pairs of shoes from my closet, if that counts as cleaning. so mostly i am a wide awake waste of space. with 2 fewer shirts and 4 fewer pairs of shoes, and an otherwise very messy apartment.

i have a great idea!

since you've quit working on your paper and have about 8 solid hours of working on it tomorrow ahead of you (who thinks this is actually going to happen?), why don't you stay awake til 3 am screwing around on the internet and playing word games?

why yes, that does sound like a good plan!

moderate yay for me!

so i am not freaking out. which is big. and i think i may even be done working on it for the night. see, i currently have 9 pages of singled spaced outlining and thoughts. and i don't want anyone to say, "but laura, didn't you have 6 pages of single spaced thoughts when you started the day?" b/c yes, i did. but this is all a part of my process. and i can assure you that these 9 pages are very different than that 6. partially b/c i read over the 6 pages about 18 times and couldn't figure out what the hell to do with most of it. so i just put all the crap in another word document, to be pulled out when he tells me he hates everything i currently have. that way i can pull it out and say, "but look--it could be worse!"

anyways, i figure that with the 8 hours i have tomorrow, i'll be fine.

assuming i don't spend 2 of them bemoaning how much i f@!*ed up my trademark cold call (fingers crossed, don't call on me), then 2 hours eating with different shifts of friends and walking thru the hallways, then 1 hour buying a stamp and playing text twist, then one hour to go home and get my car and eat dinner, and then two hours hyperventilating. cuz that also sounds like a distinct possibility.

grrrrrr

1. how can i have so much "research," sitting in stacks, all around me and highlighted, only it turns out that THERE IS NO INFORMATION IN ANY OF THOSE ARTICLES OR BOOKS?!?!!? i just flipped thru an entire book titled, "child pornography: an internet crime" and it said NOTHING AT ALL! ok, it might have said one or two things. but still! how am i supposed to formulate 25 pages of my own thoughts if NO ONE ELSE HAS EVER THOUGHT ANYTHING ON THIS TOPIC?!?! ok, well they have, but all of their thoughts amount to about 5 pages and they've all just written the same thing over and over and i hate them all. ok, well maybe that is a bit harsh. but still.

2. how is it that this corner of the library was 85 degrees all day and then, once i leave for 20 minutes, i return and it is magically 45?

3. why didn't i write this paper a year ago? for First Amendment law? i would have written on the same topic and when i turned it in, it wouldn't have been a problem that my whole paper is going to be ABOUT FIRST AMENDMENT LAW! also, that it is going to be a run-down of things that are already out there. however, when trying to do that for a class on CRIMINAL LAW, where he wants my own thoughts, it might be a problem. also, then i wouldn't have had to take that exam that i clearly did so poorly on. plus i was only taking 3 classes at the time. how could i have ever had a reason for not writing a paper and taking 2 exams? basically, if i did it fall semester of 2L year, i did it wrong. ugh. how do i go back in time and re-do that?

S@*%!

i've already hit a wall.

and i haven't even started writing!

i mean business!

i might not have worked on this paper at all in the first, second, or third weeks i meant to work on it. and i may have snoozed for three hours this morning before finally dragging myself out of bed to get to the library (had to see what happened in that dream where i was forced to do the oral argument on roger strawbach again, w/o any preparation--who says that the memories of 1L year don't haunt you forever? and i even love roger strawbach!) but i mean business now! you can tell b/c i am wearing both the renowned "LS" t-shirt AND my virginia law hoodie. AND i'm trying out a khang-approved portion of the library. i feel that this is going to go very well indeed. wish me luck!! (also, if you have any thoughts on child porn, send those along too! also, "child porn is bad" doesn't count. nor does "child porn is good." except if you send me the latter, i may report you to tim heaphy.)

question

what is a respectable length for a kegstand?

at the bonfire last night, some of the big drinking 3L boys were doing kegstands. the first one did like 13 seconds, the second 25, and the third something like 17 i think. and all the other guys were very impressed with all of these times. and i was totally apalled. like to the degree that i wanted to do one and show them that they were just silly and those times were laughable, but then i doubted myself and didn't. but in my recollection (of course we all know about my memory and how faulty it is. particularly with things that involve numbers.), 25 seconds is average and 40 is good. as one of my friends pointed out, those times are from college and we're now 27 years old. but still. so before we left i did one, and it was 27 seconds and i went down before i even felt ill. and i'm not bragging about that, i'm just saying. and would like some input on what is acceptable and if these boys (commissioners, nonetheless!) should have experienced shame for 13 seconds.

i need a 1L boyfriend

earlier today i was reading some blog entries that made me remember that some people are already studying for finals. i've kinda noticed that the library has been a bit more crowded lately, but since i only use the library as a holding facility for my textbooks, and nearly all of my time spent in it is spent walking to my carrel to get a book or a sweater, i hadn't noticed too much. but then i was remembering two years ago. and yeah, i was already freaking out and deep into the outlining and all that. and now, the fact that it's thanksgiving (dear god, how is it thanksgiving?!?!) and classes end in like 2 weeks, well that hasn't really got me worried. hell, this paper that i'm supposed to have written (draft, not final) in two days doesn't seem to be worrying me. i have spent the entire week ingeniously managing not to get anything done on it, despite my best efforts not to do anything except work on it. and as for finals, the class that i am least worried about is one that was so awful that it resulted in one of my friends having a migrane and another person having a panic attack. i mean, it is not a good sign when that is the final about which you feel most confident.

anyways, i have decided that my 1L boyfriend will inspire me to study. we'll sit around, outlining and reading casebooks. it'll be so fun! i won't play text twist and i won't watch terrible tv b/c he'll be working diligently and i would feel guilty for screwing around and i wouldn't want to drag him down or undermine his perfect little 1L work ethic. gosh i remember the 1L work ethic. also, as i realized at bar review last night, i just think 1Ls are the cutest thing ever. you should see me around them. i want to talk to all of them simultaneously (and when i drink, i am convinced this is possible) and just savor how adorable they are. i want to be a 1L again.

help us out here

you're a resourceful bunch of well-informed people. so who can tell me what the intermittent series of very loud explosion-like noises thru/out the evening has been? and why?

this most recent bout was definitely fireworks, but they sounded more like fireworks than all of the previous bouts, which have been going on over the course of the evening in no discernable pattern or intervals. and why would there be fireworks? and why would they be scattered out in little sets? that just makes no sense. so i think this last set of fireworks was just to throw us off the scent that WWIII has started out there.

you think they can make me turn a paper in on monday if WWIII has started? b/c if not, i'm starting to feel differently than i thought i would about this.

god hates me

for so many reasons today.

for starters, it is pouring rain. so i refused to walk to school for one class, only to be soaking wet and freezing cold. so i decided i would stay home and work on my paper.

well, i'm sure you can imagine how that has gone. i am kinda blaming my lack of work on the fact that it is raining too hard for me to read or think. but also, i suppose, it is a bit of my own fault. (tho i did get lexi and aaron a christmas gift! which took me about an hour to "assemble" over the internet. tho as soon as i sent my order, i realized i had forgotten something. but that is ok. they are forgiving.)

and the bonfire is tonight. and it is pouring rain. it is supposed to be done by tonight, and the bonfire is rain or shine, but still. and the other problem with the bonfire is that you want to be warm and comfy and practically attired for a bonfire. but then we are going straight from there to bar review. where you want to be cute and cute (i want to be really cute) and wearing impractical shoes to go with your really cute new top. i mean, hypothetically.

and he has made me very bad at text twist. tho there is a plausible theory on that that even text twist knows i should be writing my paper and not playing. of course, you would think that someone would tell text twist that i am never inclined to quit after i lose in the first round. but this might be my problem too.

but the final reason god hates me is that i had decided to return my bean and i finally called and then the man started bribing me! only bribes mean you have to make decisions! and you know how i am about making decisions! so my current options are to:

1. return the bean.
2. get $20 back on the bean. i love money!
3. get the flex 10 for free, which would make my bean even more effective. and is like telling me that you're giving me $50 of free stuff. i love free stuff! and i think that this would make my bean more effective.

but lexi and i have been going to the gym and this is taking up space and more space in my apartment and do i really need it and am i ever going to use it and dear goodness gracious me oh my why is he making me make this decision?!?!!

so cast your vote--what should i do about the bean?

also, why does god hate me?

also, is it possible for me to ever finish this paper by monday?

also, why does god hate me?

upbeat optimistic and only slightly whiny laura will be returning to you shortly! i promise!

do you ever

come up with something really great to say and you want the perfect situation in which you could say that thing to arise? of course, it's pretty much guaranteed that if a situation does arise, you'll never remember what it was you were going to say. it's the exact opposite of figuring out the right thing to say 2 days after someone pissed you off.

anyways, i was just putting on a BC hockey t-shirt, and i have decided beyond the fact that i always want my hockey team to kill BU's hockey team (only in games, not like kill kill), i would really like them to win their next match-up so that i can turn to lexi and say (mocking like i can't hear her), "i'm sorry, i can't hear you over the deafening superiority of my hockey team." that would be great.

smores

so the 3L bonfire is going to have smores and of course the mere mention of them has had lexi and i talking about them for days. so now i want a smore. desperately.

only if i bought the ingredients for smores, i would eat the entirety of all three components within the next two days. and buying them would involve leaving my house.

it is times like this that you really wish you had a personal assistant.

right now, i would turn to my personal assistant and i would say, "go make me smores, woman!"

unless my personal assistant was a man. in which case i would most likely address him as "jeeves."

another reason to pick cville

it is pretty amazing that it is mid-november and today i wore flip flops and a summer dress, and i'm currently sitting on my porch reading.

(actually, i'm ready for winter. it's mid-november for god's sake! and i had finally switched over to the winter wardrobe and this morning i was back to rooting thru all the put away clothes. plus, i have a great collection of sweaters. tho i'll probably be kicking myself for having said this in 2 months. about the weather, not about the sweaters.)

but for those who like the warm weather thing, this is good.

the haul

b/c people keep wanting to know, here is what i wound up with this year:

$1500 BarBri coupon $500

Murder Mystery dinner $100

Personal training $75

Ski passes/water park $60

Hair cut, et alia $55

Mel the 3L reference $41

Thumbs up/down $5

Knowing you have donated to a good cause and helped some 1L pay the rent this summer: $836

dammit

tonight, in class, i learned that if i sold drugs, i could make a lot of money. and i could have a cool nickname like “squid” or “flubby” or “garma-goo.” i have always wanted a cool nickname!

i think i was under-informed when i picked a career. i blame my parents.

some things never change...

only if i had learned anything from this cartoon a year ago, maybe i wouldn't be where i am today. then again, at least today i'm not paying $1200 for a 3 hour sensual massage from prof. leslie. so that's something.

post-PILA

once again this year, i spent the day after PILA waiting with baited breath for the slew of emails that would invariably show up in my inbox, saying i had bid too much for things i did not really need.

the thing was that this year, i had gone in with a foolproof plan. i was going to take a list, with the pre-determined prices of what i was willing to pay. well, i took a list. with about 20 items. unfortunately, i didn't think at all about prices. and when i am bidding, what is really going thru my head is, "bid higher!" rather than anything along the lines of, "that is too much to bid, laura!" i wish i could even pretend there is also ajeet's voice in my ear, saying, "it's for a good cause!" but i think that's just how i justify it after the fact.

before i even wake up on sunday, i have an email from an acquaintance, apologizing for the fact that she had out-bid me on the barbri coupons, and offering it to me b/c she realized that her firm pays for barbri and she can't even figure out why she bid. now i don't know if i posted about this, but if you know me, you know that i have been wanting this barbri coupon for a year now. i won it at last year's PILA and they let me out of it and all my friends told me to bail b/c firms pay directly for barbri. only all firms don't. and i get a stipend. a paltry stipend. so that saving $1000 would be awesome. so i have been spending two months gearing up to win this coupon. i can't even believe i let someone else get this! fortunately, it is mine nonetheless and this makes me very happy. yay for things i wanted!

then thru/out the day, i received 4 emails about things i had won. nothing ridiculous. whew. things i probably paid more for that i should have, and things i certainly didn't really need to get, but nothing absolutely absurd. so that's something. when i hadn't heard anything more for hours, i was relieved. and lexi told me that we had not won the mel the 3L cartoon and that despite our ferocious bidding war, someone else had snuck in and outbid us. to which i replied, "thank god."

but my friends had not heard about items they knew they had won. fear gripped me again. this means there could still be emails i hadn't received. pins and needles, pins and needles.

well, i have now received another 2 emails. (including the mel the 3L cartoon. lexi had bad intel, it seems.) which means i currently have 7 winning bids, and a crippling fear of what else lies in store. i'm not quite sure why part of my foolproof PILA plan for the year was to bind my hands so that i could not bid. dammit. that would have been brilliant. having not had the brilliant "bind my hands behind my back so i am unable to bid" plan until now, i will consider PILA a success if i make it out for under $1000. which means that if you see me panhandling in scott commons for the rest of the semester, please feed me. after all, i may have singlehandedly funded your unpaid summer job.

my shame envelops me, like an envelope

that's about all i have to say about last night. and i would like everyone to forget that anything shameful i did last night happened at all and we'll just continue on about our merry ways. "absolution," khang is calling it. thanks, i appreciate that.

gah!

so i joined netflix about a month ago and have yet to watch the first movie that was sent to me. (i've watched two total. i think i should cancel.) so today, i finally decide that it is time to watch it. i open it to find that the disk is in two pieces. well i'm glad i've been holding on to that for a month.

i think i figured it out!

i think i judged their oral arguments for moot court!!

thank god that's over.

dammit

so i came to the library, intent on working all day on this paper. well 2 problems with this. the first is that i can't bring myself to do anything more than skim all this information i have printed out and none of it is clarifying at all what i should say for 25 pages, other than maybe i should change my topic, except i think i would have a similar problem with any topic. oh, and i've already gone to the effort of checking out every book the library has on child pornography.

the second problem is that i am SO EASILY DISTRACTED! now we all know that, but i think it's worse today. every time i detect movement, i look up. and i can't think of any location where this wouldn't be the case. oh, facing a wall, but then i just turn my computer on. and i'm too lazy to go to the 2nd floor of the library. how sad is that? i'm sorry, but it's just so far away.

anyways, related to this second problem is that recently there have been all sorts of new familiar-looking people acknowledging me in the hallways. and i know that i have met them. but i cannot figure out who they are or how i have met them. the obvious guess is halloween, a night where i talked to many people but remember just about none of it. then again, with me, it's also possible that i may have just overheard them talking about candied apples in the hallway and decided i would jump into the conversation and tell them what i thought about candied apples. at least with the fact that they acknowledge me i can rule out having just found them on stalkerweb/facebook and feeling like i know them b/c of that. cuz sometimes i have that problem too.

either way, it is very exasperating and i'm never going to get a paper written like this.

does anyone have any suggestions...

for online sites where i can upload and order pictures? i don't care if they're something i can pick up in cville or have mailed to me, but i'd like something not too expensive that doesn't suck. you know, the usual. i've picked out all the best pictures from the past two years and have decided i want to make albums! you know, b/c this is a great way to spend time when you have a paper due and finals are coming up!! yup.

my vote counted!

or eli's second vote, if that's how you'd prefer to think of it. (not like i didn't know who i was voting for and not like eli isn't someone whose political beliefs i agree with.) (with whom's political beliefs i agree?) (how should that sentence be written?)

also, i learned that ballot initiative #1 passed via the facebook feed. and people said the facebook feed was good for nothing. keeps me "politically informed" and that's something. (also, i love it in general, but as contentious as voting is, i know the facebook feed is even more polarizing, so i think i'll refrain from posting about that.)

also, i want a walrus.

also, last night i scored 272, 580 points in text twist. bestest scorest everest. i wish grades were based on text twist skills.

thank goodness someone told me who to vote for!

i am a classic example of why people should not be let loose with a vote. b/c i think it is very important to vote, and i do so very faithfully. only i am about the least informed person on the planet.

for example, i keep seeing all these signs in yards with "webb" and "weed" and i just assumed they were running against one another and i was not sure how i would ever remember which one i was supposed to vote for b/c they both start with W!

fortunately, when i emailed eli, he let me know that i'm supposed to vote for BOTH of the Ws! so i can handle that.

i am the american public at work.

now don't forget to vote!

i'm not creepy

i'm just someone with a lower social threshold than most.

(no really, that's what khang told me. not that it's exactly news. this was brought on by my emailing of people i barely know. i think that's ok. he seems to think it's weird. i think it's ok, so long as i realize that other people think that it's weird and i'm ok with that. does that make sense? plus, who wouldn't want one of my emails?!?!?)

i know you all have missed me

and i'm sorry i haven't been posting. i just really haven't had anything to say. that would be shocking, except for the fact that i guess i generally post with nothing to say. but since i have a public, i should really be more sensitive to your needs and be sure to post more frequently, so that you do not worry about me. so do not worry--i am safe.

spent friday night in richmond, at a friend's boyfriend's house where 6 of us crashed the night before the MPRE. and the beauty of richmond is that each of us had our own room in his place. well, there were 2 couples, but still! amazing.

then to the MPRE, where we learned that taking the MPRE in richmond sucks. our site had a fire drill approximately 5 minutes after the man had said, "in the unlikely event of an emergency...." and approximately 2 questions in. the other site had gospel singers and no heat, despite the 30-some degree temperature. so i say to those of you who have yet to take it, start calling your congressperson and insisting that they offer the MPRE in cville in the future. (actually, this is not as easy as it sounds. i called them back in april, to double check that they would not be offering it in cville, since they always offer it in cville. yes, i was looking into a november test last april. i am like this. anyways, it took a lot of phone calls to get someone who essentially told me, "oh well for you and all of UVA law.")

anyways, the beauty of the MPRE is that you truly sincerely absolutely have no idea whether or not you've passed until your score comes back. everyone walks out thinking, "hm, i am not so sure about that...." it's really easy to get yourself down to two contenders on most questions, but then, it's a crapshoot. also, some of their questions are just stupid. plus, like i'll never have a book that can answer the question. and they didn't even ask anything about having sex with a client! we all knew that rule! plus, it's one that you might not have time to consult a book before needing. (answer: only if the consensual sexual relationship pre-dates the attorney-client one. so start sleeping with people now.)

and then i spent all saturday at short pump, looking for a PILA dress. i had said that if i was going to wear black, i would wear black i already had in my closet. so of course i spent a bunch of money buying a new black dress. oops. so if you see me at PILA, maybe say something nice about my dress to calm the fact that i'm having a bit of buyer's remorse and think my money might have been better spent elsewhere. oh well.

i came to T&E!

do you think it's irony if i haven't been in over a month (last class attended: sept. 28) and i come on the extra friday class at 9am, when about only half of the class ever shows up to any of these friday makeup classes? i think it's something.

people were telling me i should put my face in the crowd a few times, so that she doesn't wonder who the hell i am, but i am worried that that is exactly what i should not do. i mean, it's not like when she gives my blind grading number a grade she is going to pull up my photo and say, "i never saw this one in class." whereas i think that if i show up, then she'll be like, "hm, who is that girl i never see" and look me up and be onto me and now that i'm back in her memory i might have to start showing up consistently.

so as a compromise, i decided to dress in a way that makes it clear that i would never stand out in a crowd of 100 and to hope she figures that that must be why she never notices me.

but i'm starting to wonder if never coming to class was a mistake. particularly b/c when i do the reading, all i get is, “blah blah blah blah, property term laura does understand, words about where property goes, we want to do what the dead person wants, more words that make no sense to laura.” i wish i knew property law. then again, she uses all the words i don't get either, so i think i may just be a lost cause across the board. crap. that's 2 exams i'm going to fail this year.

does anyone know where i can buy a paper?

no no no, i'm just kidding.

how about motivation? cuz i could sure use some of that.

i'm currently sitting in the library drinking a beer. not studying. just emailing and drinking a beer. b/c i am easily susceptible to peer pressure and lack any bit of self discipline.

my stuff has been sitting in the library for 5 solid hours now. i have been sitting with it for approximately an hour and a half. and most of that was spent playing a never-ending game of text twist.

i thought i was going to get some points this week for being better about staying at the law school, but then i remembered that it really is amazing how much time you can spend not doing your work in a one block square where everyone knows everyone else. god i love it. i never want to leave. i want to talk to 1Ls for forever.

directional disaster

i am taking the MPRE in Richmond this saturday morning, and am going down to Short Pump for some pre-trauma retail shopping on friday, then spending the night at Jen's boyfriend's house to avoid the hour drive the next morning. i am terrible with directions. i still call Rob every time i need to find I-64 and ask him how to get there. yes, that is a major road. in a city i have now lived in for nearly 3 years. wanna make something of it?

also, if i don't have specific and accurate mileage details, i start to hyperventilate after about 0.5 miles, convinced i've missed the next turn. driving to/in new places is very traumatic for me. oh, and i have the memory of a gnat, so just b/c i've been there once or twice, that doesn't mean i have any idea where it is or how to get there.

so here are all the directions i have just printed offline for that 24 hour span of time:

• mapquest directions from my address to short pump
• the mall's website's directions (i couldn't initially do this b/c i had no idea if cville was east, west, north or south of richmond. when another site told me that info, i printed out a second set of short pump directions.)
• jen's directions from cville to jim's place
• mapquest directions from the mall to jim's place
• mapquest directions from jim's place to the parking garage we're supposed to park in on VCU's campus
• mapquest directions from jim's place to the actual building in which the MPRE is being administered
• VCU's website's directions from north, south, east and west, as i have no idea which direction jim lives from VCU

the kicker is that in all the instances where i have multiple sets of directions for one route, NONE of the directions match up.

i am going to get very very very very lost. and i will probably cry. i will certainly hyperventilate. i will leave jim's approximately 4 hours before the MPRE begins to make a 15 minute drive and i may still miss the exam. i will probably be so nervous about getting to the exam that i will not be able to eat, and then i will be starving, in addition to my hyperventilating and crying.

i suppose i should just thank my lucky stars i couldn't find anyone to go to the BC/Wake game with me. like i could have ever found my way to winston-salem. and if i did, i'd probably have to spend the rest of my life there, unable to ever find my way home.

fitness fitness fitness!

no we're not talking about moral turpitude and our fitness to be lawyers (haha, just a little MPRE joke for you 3Ls out there), but about the commitment to fitness we have found this semester.

my bean arrived last night and i promptly inflated it and read the instruction manual. my first three minutes pretty much made me conclude that it is worthless as an exercise device, but great for rolling around on and flailing your feet in the air. which, when you're as easily amused as me, is almost worth the $60.

but today i decided to watch the accompanying video and this is when i became a believer in all that crap about the bean isolating all your stomach muscles while you roll back and forth on a cushion of air. b/c i could only do about half the reps of the exercises in the 10 minute video. (no one say anything about my stomach muscles. i simply won't hear of it. even if you have a point.)

i am pretty excited about my impending 6-pack abs! now if only i can cut out about 10,000 calories worth of beer, candy, and carrot cake every week....

also, lex and i tried a new class at the AFC today--kickboxing. now the only problem is that all the classes we really like and our schedules allow us to go to are on two days a week, and we can't really pretend that we're being good about going to the gym if we only go two days a week. but this was way fun and gave us a newfound sense of pride (as tho my flexing for everyone wasn't bad enough) b/c i am very pleased to report that lexi and i kept up with a room full of 30 undergrads (and 4 women older than ourselves but clearly with a far longer term commitment to fitness than we possess) for a solid hour. fine, so their side kicks were a bit higher, and their 80th jumping jack had a bit more pep, but i kept running in place during our water breaks and they didn't. so i may not be any thinner that i was when we started, but i can jump around in place for a solid hour and that is way more than either of us could say a month and a half ago, so yay for lexi and i are our newfound cardiovascular fitness!! congratulate us! give us carrot cake!