i hope this brings you some fraction of the joy it has brought me

well i am afraid that my camera was unable to capture all the glory that is this ornament, but it is a fish, with a bouffant, with a pineapple sticking out of the bouffant, and huge ass lips, totally done up with glitter. oh, with legs. in short, it is the most amazing thing ever put on a christmas tree. or on sale, for that matter.

and now i shall tell you the story of how it came to be. well, actually i don't know how it came to be. when first i saw it, i thought, "dear god, who would make such a thing?!?!! why god, why?!?!" actually, that was my second thought. my first thought was, "I MUST HAVE IT!" but let's back up.

so lexi's family has one of those christmas giving traditions where everyone buys a gift for under $5 and then you draw numbers and trade the presents around etc etc etc and wind up with some stupid cheap piece of shit you don't need, but in the meanwhile you had a lot of fun while everyone squeals and tries to get their grubby paws on some singing bird that rob bought or some box of chocolate which could at least be consumed. well last year lexi had a party where we played that game and i was looking for a gift in hawaii. we thought we had picked out my gift, when we saw THIS in a shop. DEAR GOD. IT IS THE MOST PERFECT THING EVER CREATED FOR A $5 GIFT SWAP! IT IS HIDEOUS AND HYSTERICAL AND $3.99 and well actually, lexi would quite love to own it. i mean, who the hell puts a pineapple bouffant and glitter lips on a fish? but that is all ok. SO LONG AS YOU DO NOT PUT LEGS ON THE FISH!! but that is exactly what this artist did. which is why i'm pretty sure my $3.99 was the only cash she made off of that brilliantly artistic idea. or maybe not. i tell you this tho--i wish i had bought 8.

at the end of the night, somehow someone other than lexi had ended up with it, but being a good man amongst good friends, jacob saw there was really only one home for this fish with legs, where it would be loved for forever, and so he left it with lexi. so now lexi and aaron have their tree up and i have to tell you, that this ornament is perhaps the most compelling thing ever put on a tree. i just go over to their apartment, and i sit there STARING at this ornament. you can't take your eyes off of it. it is fascinating. i cannot explain it, but i recommend you go over and see it in person. i'm willing to give you their apartment number if you need. i promise you, the picture does not do it justice.