Wednesday, February 28, 2007

excess, perhaps

i'm taking 7 swimsuits to aruba. SEVEN! that might be a bit ridiculous. ok, that IS a bit ridiculous. fair point.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

final tip

this would have been #10, but blogger wouldn't let me get the picture in and well i wouldn't include it, but it's too crucial a part of my spring break success from last year to not share with you all. plus i love this picture.
go with a good group of people. include someone that you can all pick on and make fun of for the entire week w/o him ever noticing. this ensures that the rest of you won't get on one another's nerves.

as an even further tip, perhaps you should choose a spring break destination that has a large billboard in the middle of its main square, detailing the fatal traffic accidents. but that's up to you.

laura gives you helpful spring break tips!

in no particular order (but for the fact that the order was somewhat dictated by my usual problems uploading pictures)--

1. BYO intertube. they're cheaper and easier to find at your local target then at some hotel. also, this way you can avoid the uncomfortable encounter that is sure to result when you and your friends presume the intertube you saw flying off a balcony was being given away to the first comer and taker b/c surely that's how the family conveyed that they were leaving for home tomorrow and no longer needed an intertube, so that you went treking thru brush to pick it up, which it turns out is not so true, and the family later finds you having adopted the intertube, clearly marked with their name in huge letters with black permanent marker, considering it a member of your own family and lounging on the lazy river with it. oops. also, you will probably learn that a pack of solidarity to fend off said family members in the event that they come looking for their intertube, will probably leave you all alone and your friends cowering in silence, with eyes that clearly say, "yes, this is your intetube," and then you'll be left with nothing to ride along the lazy river on. RIP pendleton, we loved you as one of our own.

2. sun care is very important! pack a hat, take sunscreen! i say take two SPFs, so that you can slather it on early in the week while your sensitive cville skin is getting used to the fact that aruba has the most freakishly powerful sun you've ever seen, and then, if you're not already bright red, you can tone it down later in the week.

3. don't forget your passport! i say this only b/c it hadn't crossed my mind til today and that could have been disaster.

4. try the local beer. it may be gross, but you can always call it a "cultural experience."

5. don't take a textbook. they weigh a lot and you won't open it. of course, i'm pretty sure i'll take one again this year, but i have a far more guilty conscience than most people, and also one of those unique guilty consciences that is appeased to some degree by empty gestures.

6. have your mail held while you're out of town for the week.

7. see how many of your friends you can fit in a bathtub. just trust me on this one. you can't go wrong.

8. if the cruel hand of fate has ensured that you and your SO will not be in the same spring break destination, remember that while you may ogle the scantily-clad 19-year olds from afar (b/c your SO is very generous like that), those girls surely possess not a bit of the wit and charm that certain someone does. also, if you try to approach them, they will probably laugh in your face b/c you are an old man.

9. if you are not in the sort of relationship that makes those 19-year olds off limits, go on up, say hello, see how far you can get. your friends will enjoy the opportunity to laugh at your expense.

10. if you're a 1L and you're hanging around to do journal tryouts, remember that law review does care if those periods are italicized when they're supposed to be. i'm not sure when that is, and i have never been able to figure out how you would know if a period was italicized, but that's just the way they roll.

but most importantly, whether you're in some far-flung land with great sun, some far-flung land where it's still 40 degrees, or still in cville "catching up" on the semester and getting a "head start" on outlining, just make sure to take some time to appreciate the fact that you've got the week off. i'm sure i'll post again before i go, but have a great spring break!

speaking of feb club

speaking of feb club (which i have not been attending with any frequency), i would just like to draw your attention to what was the best idea of my feb club, rivalling lexi's brilliant idea. and i can't take any credit for the idea, but the gist is this--there was no edward 40hands theme this year. i mean, this is another reason that this year's feb club paled in comparison to past feb clubs. sure, try out new themes and have random fun ones, but give the people what they want! no edward 40hands?!?! no 80s party?!?!! oh don't even get me started.

anyways, back when i posed the idea of wearing the dinosaur to every party, jared decided he wanted to be edward 40hands for every party. now let's just say that i did not want to be upstaged by hanging out with some guy with 40s attached to his hands at every party. ix-nay on that idea-hay. but that didn't mean we couldn't find an appropriate night for this brilliant idea.

enter TOGA 40HANDS! brilliant!

well, only it turned out to be not so brilliant. fine for me, whose toga ran no risk of falling off. but if you're wearing a toga that may fall down every time you try to walk thru a crowd of people on the dance floor, revealing your ass for all to see, well maybe you shouldn't have 40s strapped to your hands that same night. especially if you don't actually have any idea how to tie a toga. just in hindsight.
essentially, the first hour and a half of my night went like this--duct tape 40s to hands. go to dance floor. notice that someone's toga has fallen down to his knees, after he insisted on not wearing real shorts under it. shuttle said someone off to other room. wiggle right hand out of layers of duct tape. revel in the fact that you attended a decade of latin conventions and only need one hand to tie a very bona fide toga. finagle hand back into duct tape and 40. ease thru crowd back to other room onto the dance floor. notice that someone's toga has fallen down to his knees....well you get the point. but it was good times.

of course

you are in luck b/c i have a midterm tomorrow, which means that i have all the incentive in the world to post! a midterm! criminey!

at the time i signed up for the class with other assignments due thru/out the semester, it seemed like a good thing. it seemed like this meant two things, (1) maybe sucking at law school finals wouldn't kill me, (2) the final was going to be less time-consuming.

however, i think my reaction last wednesday when he mentioned that we would be having a final in a week was, "F&*! ME!!!" i mean, how was i to know it was coming up??!!?! oh i suppose i could have paid more attention to the syllabus or to the fact that i had it on my calendar or whatnot, but those all seem like silly options compared to having it sprung on you when all you can think about is spring break and some boy and which feb club parties you want to go to. i would totally choose this way.

of course, a week is plenty enough time to get ready for a midterm. unfortunately, that's not exactly how i did things. instead, i opted to say i was going to work on it all day sunday. then to nap all day sunday. then to say i would work on it monday night. only to have a couple of glasses of wine with dinner monday, and sleep monday night. only to say that i would work on it from noon onwards on tuesday. only to start posting to my blog again and doing laundry.

but i'm sure that 6 hours is more than enough time to study for a midterm. oh, a closed-book midterm.

yeah, F&*! ME!!!

i know, i know, i know

i have not posted in 13 days. i know this b/c you people are keeping track. you're sending me emails, you're posting comments, you're stopping me in the hallways. and i am sorry. i apologize heartily. i always imagined that my public only existed in my own head, and it turns out that now that there really is a public, well it is very demanding! tho i understand your concern. i usually post 87 times a day. and now this.

i've decided that what i really need to get over this is a 2-pronged approach. the first would be for there to be anything worthy of posting. the second would be to get over the hurdle of not posting in class. of my 10 scheduled classes in the past week, i have attended 8 (someone talked me into skipping the extra friday sessions). however, i have taken notes in, i believe, 3 of those. probably more like 2 classes and 2 half classes. my point is that showing up for class is utterly pointless. yesterday's fed courts notes went on for about 10 minutes before devolving into a typical laura notes-concluding note--"LAURA YOU ARE NOT PAYING ANY ATTENTION TODAY. YOU WILL REALLY NEED TO FIGURE OUT WHAT IS GOING ON IN THESE CASES." and that was it.

while in ED this morning, i realized that this might be a problem. i mean, in theory, you're supposed to pay attention to what they're saying, and those are the things they're going to test you on. i mean, it would probably be handy to have some record of those things. or at least to have at some point known that they said those things. BUT THEN i realized that i'm not sure this puts me in any different position than i've been in since first semester. maybe it is worse this semester, but haven't i been saying this all along? fortunately, this semester, i have previous semesters' notes for 2 of my 4 classes! so the question becomes, can i skip? can my guilty conscience overcome that? because when i show up, i am just saddled by the guilty conscience of not paying attention. i think the answer is that i will continue to show up to class.

but now i am faced with a very interesting dilemma--can you skip one class to attend another? a class for which you are not even enrolled. is that legit? because here is an email rob received from his 1st amendment prof--
At our session tomorrow afternoon, we have in store another special treat. I've invited Professor James Ryan to join us, and to share his insight and wisdom on issues of school policy and constitutional law...I know you'll find this a most engaging and rewarding session.


so now the question is if i'm allowed to skip fed courts for the opportunity to leer creepily at jim ryan from the back row of a class i'm not even enrolled in. i mean, i had been thinking about skipping fed courts anyways. of course, i'm not sure i'm allowed to now, b/c i had gone on monday solely so that i could feel not bad about not going on wednesday, and then there was the whole "LAURA YOU ARE NOT PAYING ANY ATTENTION TODAY. YOU WILL REALLY NEED TO FIGURE OUT WHAT IS GOING ON IN THESE CASES." thing. oops.

ok, so i know that this is not a very good post, but you're going to have to be patient with me as i ease back into this.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

valentine's day is for reminding those close to you why they aren't loved by someone more special

my father took a subtle approach. his card is supposed to be funny. it's a heart-shaped box with only one candy left in it, surrounded by a bunch of empty wrappers. and the candy is saying, "i bet they just can't see me in all these wrappers." and the caption is, "what the maple nougat tells himself, day #24." I MEAN, MAYBE I AM THE MAPLE NOUGAT! MAYBE THAT WASN'T THE RIGHT WAY TO SAY HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! AND WHO DOESN'T LIKE MAPLE NOUGAT ANYWAYS?!?! IT IS A TASTY CONFECTION! (actually, i don't think my dad would have ever even thought of that interpretation, but i thought it, and it's my blog.)

but my grandmother went with a far less subtle tact. a nice hallmark card that says all sorts of sweet things, and then a nice handwritten note (which cutely even asks, "will there be a party or dance?") but then, across the card, in a different color, and clearly written at a different time, is the following handwritten note--"don't take this as a criticism, but a spot on TV said that people who sleep more lose weight more easily."

so do you think she's saying i don't sleep enough or that i need to lose weight? either way, i'm pretty sure my mom will get a kick out of it.

and HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU! if you're the sort of person who cares about such things at all. and even if you're not.

Monday, February 12, 2007

caveat emptor

so i bought underwear online the other week and i opened a pair of them to wear today, and they are this really cute pink pair, only they say “THANKS” in huge letters all across the butt! i mean, what is the point of that?!?! and why was that not made clearer on the internet before i bought them? criminey. i don’t even know what to make of it. i am too naive to be buying underwear these days. and now i'm going to have to look into return policies!

[ok, i have just looked again, and even knowing that they say THANKS across the ass, there is NO way you would ever be able to discern that from what they are showing you online when they sell you this underwear. i think i might be irate! not about the mix-up, just about the fact that their ruining an entire line of really cute pink underwear with this obnoxious "THANKS." boo to that! feel my ire, victoria's secret.]

for the 1Ls

so as many of you are no doubt aware, briefs are due this week. or so i think. i wouldn't really know. i just mentioned to someone that i had the flu the week that my brief was due, and he mentioned that my life must have really sucked that week. well, i tell you what i did, and what generations of students before you have done--actually, let me just give you a song from the libel show two years ago, lest i be accused of poisoning the youth.

Memo to a Brief
(to the tune of "Beauty and the Beast"—Beauty and the Beast)

Legal Research Class
Have to write a Brief.
I just want to pass.
Make it through this class.
With my required "P".

Just a little change
Small to say the least.
Cut and paste that crap
Entire paragraphs.
Memo to a Brief.

Almost just the same!
Add some underlines.
Add some bold and then
Be sure to indent.
It’s almost like I tried…

Tale as old as time
My peer advisor swore
This will be the way to
Get the passing grade
Without writing anymore.

Just a little change
Small to say the least.
Cut and paste that crap
Entire paragraphs.
Memo to a Brief.

[as a caveat, lest i get in too much trouble, i think that my memo made a really easy transition to the brief b/c i had TOTALLY been on roger's side from day one. so that my memo basically read as a brief for the opposing side. which is exactly what i needed second semester. all the things that had driven my dillard crazy first semester were suddenly subject to "great tone!" notations in the margins. please don't get me in trouble with mimi and ruthie and karen!]

mmmmm, drugs!

so even tho i was getting better, after my weekend of being convinced that i had to go out and have a good time, i managed to not only fail to have a good time (too much pressure, i think), but i also managed to get myself even sicker than i had been last week. so when i talked to my mom yesterday, she said it was time to get my butt to student health and get some antibiotics. now, if you know anything about my mother, it should be this: drugs fix everything.

and i love student health for how they dole out drugs. i mean, they'll throw meds at anything! our favorite student health story is from my roommate at BC, where they would give you handfuls of individually wrapped pills in little envelopes. so shaina opens a couple of the envelopes at once, and realizes that none of the envelopes contain the same pill!

but today i met the first-ever student health employee in the history of all student healths who was not willing to just give me what i asked for. (yes, this is how i deal with most doctors. i consult my mother and/or myself before going in and then just tell them what prescriptions i need and then i'm happy to get out of there.) well she looks me over and tells me that i've got nothing an antibiotic is going to help. i was discouraged.

fortunately, this woman was no match for me. did she know who she was dealing with? she was asking me if i had nyquil, in case my cough kept me up one of these nights. woman, i've got prescription cough medicine with codeine! you don't need to worry about my cough keeping me up at night! crazy talk! in the end, we got it all straightened away and i'm going to be fit as a fiddle in time for barrister's!

Sunday, February 11, 2007


so i'm sure you remember all of last spring, when i was playing the best game of assassins ever played. god i was great. well, they are doing it again this year, and not a single person from last year's final five is playing again. i really thought about it, but i was just terrified that i wouldn't do as well, and those of us who all did so well last year have become friends in the past year, and we've also become much more aware of each other and things like where we all live, etc etc. plus i was not sure i was ready to tap into the crazy again, so i figured i would just stay out of it.

only as i watch other people, it's starting to kill me.

for example, jared said he would play and i could serve as his coach. and then he said that he wouldn't wear any of the immunities. THAT'S NO WAY TO PLAY! YOU'LL BE DEAD IN NO TIME FLAT! i just refuse to associate with someone who would play that kind of game. losers, we would call them. and weak of heart. hell, i think we all know that the immunities were my favorite part of the game.

well then there is lexi, who really is playing. and last night she was saying that she will play a purely defensive game (only wearing immunities and never killing anyone). i also loathe that kind of player. you're not doing any good for the game if you're just going to loiter around and not take anyone out! that's why i was wearing all that crap for over 2 months last year! people like that! people without heart! criminey.

only i just looked at lexi's away msg and she is saying that she is going to throw the game on the first day b/c she can't bring herself to leave the house to get a nametag. THE FIRST IMMUNITY IS A NAMETAG AND SHE CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO DO THAT WITH THE THINGS IN HER HOUSE?!!? "hi my name is lexi." done. "how will i attach it?" she asks. "paper, marker, safety pin," i say. who needs to leave the house? seriously, you can't come up with that on your own, i think you might as well throw the game on the first day. you're never making it anywhere! the faint of heart bowed out at sunglasses and hats last year. those of us with savvy wore party hats (eliminating the sweaty head problem) and clear sunglasses that wouldn't drive us crazy indoors.

so now not only am i crushed by the general lack of assassins savvy out there (no offense, lex), but i also think i'm going to want to take over lexi's game. see, i find this really sad b/c lexi had such potential. and now i wonder, could i just pretend i AM lexi for the next two months, or do i have to just coach her thru everything? find their schedules, their home addresses, meet their friends, and then just walk her thru everything?

see? oh my god. now i just can't decide if the crazy brought out by NOT playing is more or less than the crazy brought out by playing.

how tempted am i to just wear a nametag tomorrow?

REALLY tempted.

Friday, February 09, 2007



where has she been all my life?

every boy in my life is going to be very relieved. my taxes generally involve me and a team of 10 boys, to whom i alternate asking all of my dumb questions. for example, there was the year when i received a W2 that was explained as "either for owners of farms or independent small businesses." i think my question that year was, "WTF?!?!"

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

one (of many) things i will miss about law school

i will miss law school jokes and the fact that first year will never ever ever die.

at a lexis training today, marva mentioned the Americans with Disabilities Act, which was the crux of our first year major memo and brief. and pai IMs:

ajeet: ROGER, is that you?!
ajeet: You little genetically challenged champion

i mean, that is good stuff. and i've only got another 3 months with an audience for that sort of material. =( the worst part is that law school jokes are my BEST material.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007


and i am very upset! i do not deal will with change! particularly not when that change is TAKING DEREK LEACH AWAY FROM ME!!!!

i am sure that many of you did not see this b/c it was embedded late in one of those generic little UVA Law School emails that none of us read. well, i don't read them, so i'm going to assume you don't either, b/c i'm the girl who still reads the entirety of the weekly events email and most people quit doing that in about the second week. anyways, i usually read the first line. enough to know that it's crap that i don't need to worry about. pro bono! ha! (kidding! that was a joke!) but somehow, i was not turned away by the talk of expanded billing code printing in the WB lab. looking back, i’m not quite sure how. i suppose my subconscious knew there was something more important, lurking later in the email.

anyways, the point is that derek leach is taking on more support responsibility at the law school and that he will no longer be our computer guy. they're hiring us a new computer guy. someone who is not derek leach! can you hear my heart breaking?!?! well, at least the new guy won't be hired by tomorrow. and since my computer has been giving me the blue screen this week, and refusing to start at times, i have already slated my visit to derek for tomorrow after class. i know he'll miss me most of all. a girl who gives you a dumbstruck look when you use the phrase "back up your data" is surely every tech guy's dream. especially if you get the same dumbstruck look after you've been saying it to her for 3 years.

but anyways, everyone should wish derek well, and if you find out where his new office is, let me know so i can drop by and keep him up to date on the minutiae of my life.

Sunday, February 04, 2007





or maybe you could find out something better. like that kid you've always had your eye on really IS your perfect match.

but this can pretty much be nothing but fun in a community where everyone knows each other.

AND, i've just looked at the questions and they look way less retarded than in years past. as a matter of fact, with a quick perusal, i think this year's questions might really help me find that special someone!

anyways, go do it b/c it doesn't work unless i've got all possible boys to choose from. help a girl out.


it is not even a week into feb club and i have both gotten sick AND gained about 8 pounds. of course, as someone else pointed out, this is probably b/c we geared up for feb club with two solid weeks of fun and drinking and not eating well and whatnot, and the reality is that this semester is just going to be no good.

but i have additional cause for concern. for me, feb club always brings with it the fear of the flu. see, my first year, probably about a week and a half into february, i got the flu. only i had had a flu shot, so i was quite determined that it was not the flu and i come from a family of doctors where you do not skip school or work unless you are truly dying (my mom once sent me to school when i was about 8 b/c she did not think i was really sick, and then i threw up on the girl next to me on the bus, which is why i figure i was not popular for the next decade of schooling in baton rouge, tho maybe i was doomed before that), and it was my first year of law school and i figured i should suck it up, so i soldiered thru the weekend and then resumed going to class on tuesday. where ajeet informed me that i had the flu and i should get the hell away from all of my sectionmates and get myself to health services as soon as possible.

i have a feeling that i'm the first person who has ever burst into tears in health services when they tell you that you're going to have to miss class. but in the end, i really took to having the flu. they gave me a miracle drug that had me cured in like a day and a half, but that still left me with 4 days of sleeping all day and not leaving my apartment. i'll be honest, it was a little difficult to get back into the groove of class the next week.

so the point was initially that i was hoping i wasn't really sick. but now that i've remembered that week in my bed w/o any guilt. hm. maybe it's the flu!

super steals!

so yesterday i decided it was finally time to suck it up and head to the grocery store. one cannot live on sausage, egg and cheese lean pockets once she has eaten all of them from her freezer. so off to the kroger i head. and i am greeted by the most fabulous bargains ever! i mean, it's the kroger, so i know that i'm going to be elated with the pricing! BUT YESTERDAY?!!? oh, it was better than usual. i can't figure out why, but there were 5 for $10 signs all over the place! now this was perfectly delightful when it was printed all over the lean pockets (sustenance!), but that is only a savings of 49¢ and that isn't all that fabulous.

not like the 5 for $10 ALL OVER THE CEREAL AISLE! this week, laura was able to buy name brand cereal! and i am all about the generic cereals, mostly b/c i get all irate when you try to charge me $5 for a box of cereal that tastes exactly the same as a $2 box of cereal. but not all cereals come in generic and some of those cereals are wonderful and tasty. for example, quaker oatmeal squares which are one of the best cereals ever and oh how i love them and they are perfect to just sit with a box and eat them straight out of the box, tho i have to warn you, after a bit, you will start to feel ill. so watch out for that. anyways, they were $2! as was the cinnamon life! WHAT WHAT!

well then i got all worked up. i love price comparisons between the kroger and the teeter! it's one of my endearing quirks. or one of my weird things. or just another indicator of the fact that i am what some people might call "cheap." whatever. so i was very excited about the prospect of heading to the teeter today and doing a little price comparision. which did prove that the kroger is less expensive than the teeter, but i have to say that i have just checked and the boxes at the teeter are larger and it seems unfair to compare the two w/o doing the price per ounce comparison, but i am too lazy to do that math and also, i think at that point, well i'm getting carried away.

so that is my full disclosure, but i went to a lot of effort, and i made poor jared stop at the teeter, and i would not want all of that effort to be in vain. so the usual price for 15 ounces of life is $3.09 and for 16 ounces of quaker oatmeal squares is $3.49, while at the teeter you get 21 ounces of life for $5.19 and 24 ounces of the oatmeal squares for $4.59 and i just did the math and it is cheaper, but i suppose not as dramatically as i had thought, but none of that changes the entire point of this post, and i apologize for how long it has taken for me to get that--

but cereal at the kroger this week. you're welcome.

Friday, February 02, 2007

oh lexi

sometimes, as lexi's friend, i am particularly concerned. particularly about her wardrobe. for example, what would you think when you found out that your best friend owned a leopard print sweater set. and pants. and a scarf. and a hat. and a PURSE?!!?!

hell, i'm willing to overlook the robe. but socks? AND SHOES?!?!!? i mean, there is no end in sight.

and then, at other times, lexi's wardrobe makes me very happy. for example, when the spate of leopard print in her wardrobe means that she can also outfit YOU for the "welcome to the jungle" party. not that you look like any fraction of the leopard that lexi does, but well, that's probably ok.

he may be on to something

ajeet: Suggestion
ajeet: Wear the dinosaur costume
ajeet: I guarantee it will only get funnier

alas, i will not be wearing the dinosaur costume tonight, tho i am pretty pleased with having been able to wear it twice in my life, let alone in the last 3 months. i have already composed a post about tonight's outfit, but it won't be done justice w/o pictures. so hold your breath.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

calendar, part II

so this would have all been one post, but i've now been trying for something like an hour and want to beat my head against a wall and maybe hurt someone. or the ivy internet. or the blogger website. anyways, my point was that i'm just not so sure about this year's calendar. i've got a lot of great clothes i'll have no occassion to wear! then again, i'm thinking that maybe my lack of utter enthusiasm has to do with the lack of color on the calendar. i mean, compare this year's calendar to calendars past, and you'll see why i'm just not so sure:

look at all that color! how can you resist it! YOU CAN'T! alas. i guess i'll just have to make do with what i've got, and start thinking about one would wear to a "handcuffs & highlifes" themed bash.

the calendar

and so it has begun

i may have had to take back the new year's eve favors i had already given to molly for their new year's eve party, but at least that meant we qualified as costumed.
of course, not like andy was costumed, but whatever.
so i wasn't planning on going tonight, but now i think i've not only got to, but i've REALLY got to go b/c the people throwing the party were specifically requesting the dinosaur and well, for god's sake, i have a dinosaur costume. god i love that thing. so we'll see what happens, but i have a feeling that this week might just be too much for my age-addled body.