shell-shocked

so, for the first time, a law school grade has upset me. i am very accustomed to bringing up the rear of the class in law school. i have become accepting of that. i don’t take law school exams well and i go to an amazing law school. i love the people, i love the profs, i’m going to get a great job so long as i don’t REALLY f*@! it up and once i accepted that, i was ok. so i generally look at my grades, feel my stomach drop and my hopes deflate, and then i go on. somehow i feel really detached from them. maybe it’s b/c we’ve all decided they’re so arbitrary. i don’t know.

but i never give up the dream of beating the curve. and this semester i had REALLY thought this might come true in one class in particular. i had LOVED this class. the material, the prof, everything. i had even volunteered to be on call an extra day. I DON’T SPEAK IN CLASS. this was unprecedented. and i thought maybe that fact would help my grade too. in addition, the prof had told some of us that he would grade almost completely at the curve, and if you fell outside the curve, he would be more likely to go high than low. i was REALLY hoping to be one of those highs. but at least i knew i wouldn’t be lower than a B+.

right. well i got the lowest grade i have ever received, outside of high school math classes. and we all know those don’t count. initially, i had my usual detached feeling. but then, at some point, i really started to take it personally. or something. the point is that it really sucked. i mean, how much do you have to stink to fall SO FAR below the curve in a class where you were told that nearly EVERYONE would be at least at the curve. YOU HAVE TO HAVE SUCKED A LOT! and i guess that this was the kind of exam where being bad at law school exams would hurt you. but that’s all he could say about it. but it’s not like i said something WRONG. b/c he didn’t ask us for actual INFORMATION about the things we had LEARNED. granted, i’m not always good at that either. but still.