big lots is like heaven
terrible, cheaply-priced, full of random crap, heaven.
i decided that i would go to try to see if i could find something i loved more than what i already bought for the $5 gift for lexi's party, which i probably wouldn't have bought except it was $3.25 and pretty awful, tho i am doubting that it is truly terribly awful enough. of course, last year i brought the best terrible gift ever, as well as a pretty damned good backup, and that is a lot of pressure to follow up on.
anyways, i had called rob the other week to ask where big lots was b/c that is where he got his gift last year, and i had never seen it. well, let's just say that for as many times as i drive up and down 29, it is still a mystery to me. so i get all the way up 29, and i wind up in the wrong strip mall. so i call rob. i am in the totally wrong place. he gives me a landmark. i don't know where that is. he gives me another landmark. i don't know where that is either. in the end, i wound up driving with rob on the phone, so that i could just shout out things and he would tell me when to turn. so finally i found it.
well, what awaited me inside is probably something i should have never discovered. at first, i was a bit worried that my friends were going to have to stage an intervention at some point in the future. i mean, i could just imagine it. i'd be telling them i was just running to the law school to pick up a book and i'd sneak off to big lots to look at things that would only cost me $2 to buy! they'd try to stop me, but oooooh, i'm just not sure i could quit!
recognizing the hold that cheap crap has on me, i decided to just walk thru once, scoping out the scene, before going thru again to whittle the potential purchases down and pick up the winners. best idea i'd ever had. b/c while cheap held much sway over me the first time thru (seriously, the first time thru i probably spent 10 minutes digging thru a bin of children's gloves, priced between $0.70 and $1.30, comparing the pairs of pink that said "pretty princess" all over them and the turquoises and the black with the little neon polka dots all over them with a special grippy palm. AS THO I NEED PINK GLOVES MADE FOR 6 YEAR OLDS! and at least 20 minutes debating what in the toy aisles i should purchase, despite the fact that i clearly do not need any of the 18 varieties of pirate paraphernalia they had. literally, i have never seen such a smorgasbord of pirate toys. i don't know how i ever resisted.), somehow by the time you've walked thru 30 aisles of really cheap crap, it holds less power over you.
the first 45 minutes or so are new and fun and oh the things! but at about an hour, you start to realize that it is all just crap you do not need. laura, you don't need these sets of plastic fruits created for children to play with in their toy kitchens. no, it does not matter that they are only $3. laura, you don't need to buy some outdoor gnome figurine. (seriously, if you want a gnome figurine, get your ass to big lots.) or a ceramic rabbit. laura, you don't need any of those pirate ships. no, not that pirate ship either, laura. walk away from the pirate ships. don't stop at the toy sheep whose head you can make spit out playdough, just like it's hair. you don't need to buy any of those easter baskets, even if they are just 97 cents. or those solo cups, just b/c there are solo cups and you figure you can find someone to use them. or all those bags of chips that are just so cheap! seriously, how are the chips and cereals so cheap? i could go on and on and on.
i emerged 75 minutes later for just under $25--one $4 tacky gift for rob to take to the party, a $1 pair of bunny rabbit ears (feb club is right around the corner, you never know when you might need rabbit ears) (tho i did resist the urge to get lexi a matching pair), two $4 puzzles b/c i have decided that everyone loves puzzles, a $6 charger for my ipod (ok, this is when you start to convince me that maybe this store could serve a worthwhile place in my life), toothpaste, and one pair of gloves for running in winter (not me running in winter, don't be stupid.)
anyways, my point is that if you can manage to find it amongst all the strip malls loitering 29, i'd recommend stopping in and marvelling at the world that awaits you.
i decided that i would go to try to see if i could find something i loved more than what i already bought for the $5 gift for lexi's party, which i probably wouldn't have bought except it was $3.25 and pretty awful, tho i am doubting that it is truly terribly awful enough. of course, last year i brought the best terrible gift ever, as well as a pretty damned good backup, and that is a lot of pressure to follow up on.
anyways, i had called rob the other week to ask where big lots was b/c that is where he got his gift last year, and i had never seen it. well, let's just say that for as many times as i drive up and down 29, it is still a mystery to me. so i get all the way up 29, and i wind up in the wrong strip mall. so i call rob. i am in the totally wrong place. he gives me a landmark. i don't know where that is. he gives me another landmark. i don't know where that is either. in the end, i wound up driving with rob on the phone, so that i could just shout out things and he would tell me when to turn. so finally i found it.
well, what awaited me inside is probably something i should have never discovered. at first, i was a bit worried that my friends were going to have to stage an intervention at some point in the future. i mean, i could just imagine it. i'd be telling them i was just running to the law school to pick up a book and i'd sneak off to big lots to look at things that would only cost me $2 to buy! they'd try to stop me, but oooooh, i'm just not sure i could quit!
recognizing the hold that cheap crap has on me, i decided to just walk thru once, scoping out the scene, before going thru again to whittle the potential purchases down and pick up the winners. best idea i'd ever had. b/c while cheap held much sway over me the first time thru (seriously, the first time thru i probably spent 10 minutes digging thru a bin of children's gloves, priced between $0.70 and $1.30, comparing the pairs of pink that said "pretty princess" all over them and the turquoises and the black with the little neon polka dots all over them with a special grippy palm. AS THO I NEED PINK GLOVES MADE FOR 6 YEAR OLDS! and at least 20 minutes debating what in the toy aisles i should purchase, despite the fact that i clearly do not need any of the 18 varieties of pirate paraphernalia they had. literally, i have never seen such a smorgasbord of pirate toys. i don't know how i ever resisted.), somehow by the time you've walked thru 30 aisles of really cheap crap, it holds less power over you.
the first 45 minutes or so are new and fun and oh the things! but at about an hour, you start to realize that it is all just crap you do not need. laura, you don't need these sets of plastic fruits created for children to play with in their toy kitchens. no, it does not matter that they are only $3. laura, you don't need to buy some outdoor gnome figurine. (seriously, if you want a gnome figurine, get your ass to big lots.) or a ceramic rabbit. laura, you don't need any of those pirate ships. no, not that pirate ship either, laura. walk away from the pirate ships. don't stop at the toy sheep whose head you can make spit out playdough, just like it's hair. you don't need to buy any of those easter baskets, even if they are just 97 cents. or those solo cups, just b/c there are solo cups and you figure you can find someone to use them. or all those bags of chips that are just so cheap! seriously, how are the chips and cereals so cheap? i could go on and on and on.
i emerged 75 minutes later for just under $25--one $4 tacky gift for rob to take to the party, a $1 pair of bunny rabbit ears (feb club is right around the corner, you never know when you might need rabbit ears) (tho i did resist the urge to get lexi a matching pair), two $4 puzzles b/c i have decided that everyone loves puzzles, a $6 charger for my ipod (ok, this is when you start to convince me that maybe this store could serve a worthwhile place in my life), toothpaste, and one pair of gloves for running in winter (not me running in winter, don't be stupid.)
anyways, my point is that if you can manage to find it amongst all the strip malls loitering 29, i'd recommend stopping in and marvelling at the world that awaits you.
posted by laura at 6:07 PM
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